<a href="http://blog.amit-agarwal.co.in/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/unix-jokes1.jpg"><img src="http://blog.amit-agarwal.co.in/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/unix-jokes1.jpg" alt="" align="bottom" />You may have heard a lot of anti-<a class="zem_slink freebase/en/microsoft" title="Microsoft" rel="homepage" href="http://www.microsoft.com">Microsoft jokes before since you can read them everywhere. However, it&#8217;s pretty rare to find anti-UNIX/Linux jokes. So I would like to share with you some pretty old but still funny anti-UNIX one-liners. Enjoy!

• If <a class="zem_slink freebase/en/unix" title="Unix" rel="wikipedia" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unix">Unix is the answer, then it must have been a stupid question.

• Unix is the only virus with a command-interface.

• How can an <a class="zem_slink freebase/en/operating_system" title="Operating system" rel="wikipedia" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Operating_system">operating system from 1970 (UNIX) be more modern than an operating system from 1978 (<a class="zem_slink freebase/en/openvms" title="OpenVMS" rel="homepage" href="http://www.hp.com/go/openvms">VMS)?

• Unix – the first <a class="zem_slink freebase/en/computer_virus" title="Computer virus" rel="wikipedia" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Computer_virus">computer virus.

• <a class="zem_slink freebase/en/network_file_system" title="Network File System (protocol)" rel="wikipedia" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Network_File_System_%28protocol%29">NFS = Nightmare File System.

• Berkeley is famous for LSD and <a class="zem_slink freebase/en/berkeley_software_distribution" title="Berkeley Software Distribution" rel="wikipedia" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Berkeley_Software_Distribution">BSD UNIX. I don&#8217;t think that is a coincidence.

• Sure, the Unix <a class="zem_slink freebase/en/file_system" title="File system" rel="wikipedia" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File_system">file system corrupts your files, but look how fast it is!

• Friends don&#8217;t let friends use Unix.

• Unix – the ideal operating system for CPU&#8217;s that are never powered up.

• Nothing wrong with UNIX that a total redesign and rewrite cannot fix.

• UNIX will be preempted by <a class="zem_slink freebase/en/windows_nt" title="Windows NT" rel="wikipedia" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Windows_NT">NT. UNIX doesn&#8217;t know it yet – it won&#8217;t notice until it&#8217;s too late, because UNIX is the Yugoslavia of software, at war with itself — but it&#8217;s all over.

• The users of Unix systems said speed wasn&#8217;t an issue when the Alpha chip was released. The same people tell their wives and girlfriends that size doesn&#8217;t matter.

• If Unix were a beer, then it would be shipped in open casks so that anybody could piss in it before delivery.

• UNIX is user friendly. It&#8217;s just selective about who its friends are.

• UNIX is akin to a religion to some. If things aren&#8217;t done like they are in UNIX, then they must be bad. Sorry, I don&#8217;t believe in this religion.

• UNIX is a four-letter word!

• VI = Virtually Incomprehensible.

• Unix is about as user friendly as a blow in the back from an ice-pick, only not quite as productive.

• What has happened, when a system-manager gets gray-haired in one day? One day with a UNIX system!

• How do you pronounce UNIX? You Nix!

• Cretin and UNIX both start with C.

• The scariest thing about Jurassic Park was that the control systems were Unix.

• Why is using a UNIX system like being an Enuch? Every time you go to do something important, you realize something critical is missing.

If you know of other funny anti-UNIX/<a href="http://www.junauza.com/2008/12/christmas-jokes-for-linuxunix-geeks.html">Linux jokes, please share them with us via comment.

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